By Katelyn O’Leary.
(Editor’s Note—Katelyn O’Leary, a frequent contributor to the National Pain Report, posted the following
on her Facebook page this week. We thought it deserved a wider distribution. We invite you to share
your thoughts in our comments section after you read it.)
#peterpan was always trying to catch his shadow. What I wouldn’t give to rid myself of the darkness that follows me….
You see this photo? It is a carefully constructed lie. Normalcy.
These days, I find it hard to stick to a routine. Showering, doing laundry, cooking – all of it has become a struggle.
My #pain is overwhelming.
Showering after a workout, or first thing in the morning, used to be my favorite routine. The hot water hitting my sore muscles, massaging my scalp with my favorite shampoo. The smell of my wildflower soap. But now the water hits my leg and I grimace. I force myself to wash my hair quickly. No more basking in the hot water – heat is pain. And pain is my ever-constant friend and foe.
But what isn’t a lie, what is the whole truth, is that I did dress up that night. I put on makeup. I did it. And for those of us with a #chronicillness, those of us who are #crpswarriors, these are our victories. We may not be defeating the enemy within, but you can be damn sure we are fighting with our lipstick firmly in place.
And of course, shimmery powder on our cheeks.
Peter catches his shadow and Wendy Darling sews it back on… who’s to say I can’t find someone to help me let go of mine? Or at the very least… learn how to cope with ignoring my shadow.
Because don’t we all ignore the shadows around us at dusk, when we are happiest and most content?
#crps #rsd #nervepain #spoonie #writing #fighting #fightingthroughthepain #inspire #pain #painful #warrior
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