By Katelyn O’Leary
Hey there, it’s me, the part of you that isn’t on the same page.
I don’t know what I did to deserve you: equal parts lovely and equal parts rage.
You challenge me often and you make me question my choices.
Should I have stayed back home? Can I really achieve my goals? Does anyone really love me?
On the surface, I look like anyone else, except 5-9 inches taller. My height has always drawn attention – typically unwanted.
“Yes I know I’m very tall. I appreciate you telling me this, especially while drunk.”
And yet it would seem that I was destined for another genetic lottery – a condition with no cure – no end in sight – just hope and endless bouts of hospital treatments.
My leg burns with the fury of a dying star. My leg is equal parts abuser and abused. Don’t upset my leg, it might overreact. I’m sorry I can’t go out because of my leg.
Why can’t I fix you? What did I do wrong?
How can I move forward with a leg that seems to move backward?
I ache for the days when I could run and deal with my stress. These days I need a week to decompress from a weekend of high energy, heels, and a dress.
I wish I could keep up with those around me, I wish for many impossible things.
But for now I will wish for understanding, because I don’t know when I will change.
Katelyn O’Leary suffers from CRPS. She lives in Los Angeles, works in the entertainment industry. She is a frequent contributor to the National Pain Report.
About CRPS: Complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS) is a chronic pain condition most often affecting one of the limbs (arms, legs, hands, or feet), usually after an injury or trauma to that limb. CRPS is believed to be caused by damage to, or malfunction of, the peripheral and central nervous systems.
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