Fibromyalgia – Fighting Back

Fibromyalgia – Fighting Back

Editor’s Note: The National Pain Report is expanding its coverage of fibromyalgia. Today, we are pleased to introduce a new columnist, Rosemary Lee from Las Vegas, Nevada who suffers from fibromyalgia and writes on the disease. You can visit her blog here to view more of her work.

It’s who I am.

What I did.

What I got.

How I deal.

Huh???

Rosemary Lee

Rosemary Lee

I know that I shouldn’t be defined by an illness or a circumstance but I’m still struggling with that concept. I am definitely not the same as I was seven years ago.  Pain doesn’t turn off and leave you alone at designated times. It’s much more devious than that. I was not a stranger to pain but it would only show up once or twice a year if I pulled out my back. After a car accident in 2008 I became intimately involved with my new friend, “PAIN” and it is a relationship that has stayed with me and will probably always stay with me until I leave this earth.

I struggle with the concept of Fibromyalgia. Sometimes there is nothing more that I’d like to do and put the covers over my head and give in. I’d throw myself the biggest pity party ever seen. Then I come back to my senses and shove it in the background and push past the pain.

But that usually doesn’t end up well either.

But that’s another thing that I do.

I push and I pay.

But I hate being fearful of my body and I hate being betrayed by my body.

Well, let’s get back to pain. Pain is truly a four letter word and I don’t mean that in just the literal sense (although it’s that too). It permeates your being and consumes your daily life. Just when you think you’ve gotten used to one level it spikes and hits you with something else or it will just jab you so you know that it will not go away gracefully. Pain sucks. I don’t care whether it’s physical, emotional or spiritual pain. Pain of any kind robs you of your life. It robs you of true joy. It’s a nasty little reminder that your happiness can be taken away in one fell swoop. You have a good day and start to relax??

Wrong.

I struggle with the loss of brain cells and I struggle when I read the back of a cereal box and find that challenges my intellect. I used to pride myself on my memory…..not anymore.

I struggle with the fact that I won’t be selling new homes again. I loved selling new homes. There was nothing quite like being, what I called, the mayor of my own little city. I’ve lost the ability to function in the workplace. The medications are a liability as well. I know I say I want my life back all the time because I’m struggling with it. I do want my life back and it’s not something that can happen just because I wish it. I still haven’t fully accepted what I am after this car accident. The pain, the Fibromyalgia; you spend your days feeling like you got hit with a baseball bat and see how perky you are.

I’m not dealing with this well, am I?

It’s the notion that life isn’t always fair.

I’ve always hated injustice and applying it to myself isn’t easy.

So, how do you deal with an invisible disease that wants to rob you of your life?

You take one day at a time.

I try to remember that it could always be worse. I’m not saying that’s an easy thing to do when pain has wrapped itself around you and refuses to respond to any medication or modification. At the worst times I have to concentrate on something better because it has the power to feel endless. I find that blogging has saved me. Writing down my feelings about this wretched thing called Fibromyalgia helps me get rid of the negative feelings. I’ve also learned that isolation is probably the worst thing we can do to ourselves.

I know that we have to become more tolerant.

Of our bodies and ourselves.

I know we don’t like it but we must admit our weakness.

Only then can we begin to become strong.

Authored by: Rosemary Lee

There are 8 comments for this article
  1. Ethel Nativi at 2:17 pm

    Pam thank you for sharing your story. I too was diagnosed in Germany with Fibromyalgia, however, I came back to the US and found my poor daughter in pain. To make the story short, she came down with Pneumonia, was sick on oxigen for 6 months, soon after both her shoulder dislocated in her sleep, finaly after pressing her Doctor he suggestes he might be suffering from EDS, Ehlers Danlos Syndrom. After an MRI with constast EDS became more evident. She was referred to a Generisist At the University of Virginia were she was finally diagnosed with EDS. My discovery is that it is very possible that my Fibromyalgia may have been missdiagnosed. I wanted to share this so people may also get informed on EDS a very divilitating syndrom where severe pain is also a manifestation. It is not made up and it is not in the person head. God bless all of us that suffer with any illness.

  2. nicola at 9:55 pm

    Hi
    I was diagnosed two years ago still struggling with it, feel like no one understands, on bad days I carry on because I feel like people think I’m lazy if I take to my bed but then end up in more pain on good days when the pain is bearable I do to much then pay, I moved to another country a couple of years before being diagnosed all my real friends live back home, I feel totally isolated, very rarely go out it’s easier than letting people down when you have made plans, it was hard enough moving to another country and starting again but with fibro its even harder, haven’t got the patience to explain my illness to people that say “oh you look well” or other comments along that line, feel like I have to explain myself to people and just can’t be bothered anymore so just stay at home,most of my family don’t get it either my husband says have a shower it will make you feel better and stupid things like that and I truly believe he doesn’t want to acknowledge I’m ill so thinks if he ignores it it’s not happening. Used to have a career and felt like I was someone now I just feel like a waste of space even though I do everything to take care of my family but over compensate most of the time and make myself worse because I don’t earn or have my own money and have to rely on my husband who works really hard to keep us but one wage has also affected us, the illness and the money has put a big strain on the relationship. Fibromyalgia sucks I’m trying so hard not to let it beat me and trying to set my own little business up from home (even though no one truly believes I will do it) but somedays I just feel like throwing the towel in.

  3. Renee M. Hensley at 4:45 pm

    Thanks for your blog.. it’s exactly how I feel.. newly diagnosed (June 2015) and I am struggling with all of it.. reading your blog just brought everything to the surface for me.. kind of nudged me..

  4. Emily at 10:16 pm

    Thank you for your knowledge , I too struggle each day. My biggest thing is people not understanding. Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy because people think it’s all in my head.

  5. Jenny at 8:46 pm

    Hello,
    Hope your having better days…I too cried when I read your story, I too feel your pain. I can so relate. I’m crying now for It is a bad day now going on two days…I was wondering does it feel worse when it is time for your period??? Though I am in my menopausal years, I still get symptoms and I get so so suck…I hate it. Thanks for sharing take care and God bless!

  6. Barbara at 12:11 pm

    Thank you for this post. I had a routine fibro Dr. appointment yesterday and I quite literally broke down in tears in the office when they started parsing out my “new symptoms.” It didn’t help that the nurse who brought me into the room and took my vitals asked how old I was, and when I replied “26” she quickly shook her head and said “You’re too young to have to deal with this.” While she may have felt she was validating my suffering, it just brought all of these emotions bubbling up.

    I worry constantly if I will ever be able to have a semi-normal life – will I have to go on disability in a few years, if I am this sick now? Will I ever be able to keep up with children? Will I even be able to carry a pregnancy to term?

    So many questions and so few people who understand. I’m so glad National Pain Report is picking up Rosemary as a regular.

  7. Pam at 11:30 pm

    Hello,

    I read your post and cried. I hear you. I am getting better on the Guaifenesin protocol. I am 35 and suffer from fibromyalgia. This is not a scam. My doctor is Dr. St. Amand in LA. He Specializes in fibro. There is hope