I am 41-years old and I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis, Polymyositis, fibromyalgia, Crohn’s disease, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), gastioporisis, osteopenia, and a hole in my heart. I also have holes in my bones and my fingers are deforming. There are days I can’t walk due to the swelling and pain.
I have been sick for 16 years now. I’ve tried all the RA medications that have come out and they work for a little while — then they stop.
Dealing with doctors and pain contracts is more painful than my actual diseases sometimes. I have had doctors actually tell me that I probably stopped seeing a doctor or two (who were really rude and didn’t care about me) because they wouldn’t give me pain medication!
I’ve been on some scary doses of pain medications. I was taking 200 mg of morphine sulfate 3 times a day, on top of two Percocet 4 times a day for breakthrough pain. I took myself off of that. I was also at one time taking 80 mg of OxyContin 2 times a day.
After stopping all pain medications at one point, the pain became so severe I was in and out of the hospital. It was then that I realized that I had no choice but to take them just to function and be somewhat normal, especially with 3 kids.
I now take morphine sulfate and Percocet for breakthrough pain. After being on the same dose for many years, the doctors at the pain clinic I go to took me down on the Percocet. How is that supposed to help me? I haven’t asked to go up on my dose — even though it’s been years — because I know that they would probably drop me from the clinic.
Now I’m homeless, and my husband left me and the kids behind. The place I’m staying is so stressful that even the metoprolol I take to keep my heart from racing isn’t working. The anxiety I’m experiencing is like nothing I’ve felt before.
It kills me that people look at me like I’m a drug addict when I had my first two children naturally, with no pain medication. I wouldn’t even take a Tylenol after I had my kids.
I wish there was a way to show the doctors what the pain feels like in our bodies for just a few hours. I believe they couldn’t take it. I never understood why people took their own lives just from being sick and in pain until I became sick.
I hope and pray that this helps to get change done for all of us that have to live like we’re the walking dead. God bless you all that are living like me, and those of you who don’t suffer but completely understand and want to help change this for us all.
Mary Ann Sisneros lives in Colorado.
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The information in this column is not intended to be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s personal experiences and opinions alone. It does not inherently or expressly reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of National Pain Report or Microcast Media.