By Jessica Martin
“How did you get the door open? Avalanches of things you’ve been wanting just begin coming into your experience!” You say: “Well, I just stopped worrying about it not happening and it started happening. I just started playing the positive what if game instead of the negative what if game.”
– Abraham Hicks
I had a conversation with someone at a doctor’s office yesterday regarding fertility and how many people of my generation have a huge struggle getting pregnant. I would say about seventy percent of my friends have been in fertility and could not get pregnant without IUI, IVF, or medications to help them conceive a child. We were all born in the early eighties and are in are young thirties. Infertility is becoming an epidemic. My grandmother had four boys, my friends grandmother had twelve children just by making babies the old fashion way. I grew up thinking that you get married and then you have kids. I never heard of fertility treatments or thought that it was difficult to get pregnant because everyone I knew as a child and young adult had multiple kids. I only worried that I would not be able to be a mother because of chronic pain. The woman I was speaking with has been working for the same fertility doctor for twenty years and has seen a huge rise in people who are my age having a very difficult time getting pregnant. Most of the patients in this office are in their young to mid-thirties and many are healthy, if not most. Take me for example, aside from chronic pain I am a very healthy person. I eat well, exercise, and have been pregnant three times: two miscarriages and of course my amazing daughter Kayci who was born in 2012. I asked this woman why is it that our generation is fertility challenged. I cannot tell you the amount of people I know who ironically go or have gone to the same fertility doctor as I have gone to. He is the best and I can happily say every one of my friends has gotten pregnant with the help of this practice and have children because of this amazing doctor. However, what the hell has happened that so many people go through fertility treatments to get pregnant because after trying to get pregnant for a year or two naturally, nothing happens? Her answer was quite clear and precise: stress. Our generation is fueled by stress, anxiety and worry. There is a reason more people get pregnant when they are not trying then when they are. There is a reason all my friends and I spent half our life trying not to get pregnant and half our life trying with no prevail. Our bodies cannot possibly get pregnant when under stress. This is not a philosophy, this is science. What are we so worried about? What is causing our generation to be so stressed? There are a million reasons obviously: work, money, marriage, family, job loss, the economy, the change in roles for women who are now expected to do everything, how we were raised, technology etc. We know all the reasons for stress but we also have the power to focus on how blessed we are instead of how stressed we are.
The cycle of worrying is killing us, literally. Most of my readers have chronic pain or some form of an invisible illness. Do I believe stress is the cause of chronic pain? Absolutely not. I do not have chronic pain because of stress; I have chronic pain because I wasn’t wearing a helmet when I fell off of my bike in my young teens. However, stress and anxiety increase pain more than anything in my opinion. People without chronic pain get back aches and headaches when under stress. I worry more than I should but a lot less than I used to. We have the power to change/re-wire our minds from negative thinking and worrying to positive thinking and excitement and that is why I am such a believer in the Law of Attraction and the works of Abraham Hicks. If you enjoy reading, I urge you to read some of his articles online or one of his many books. If you do not enjoy reading (aside from this blog of course haha) I urge you to go on you tube and watch one of his speeches. I promise you, his words will resonate with you and overtime you will begin to practice the Law of Attraction without even thinking about it which will lower your stress and in turn lessen your pain levels. What are we so worried about? Everything always works out the way it should and cognitively we know that worrying never changes the outcome but we have been thinking the negative what-ifs for so many years that it is all our mind knows. My mind can be a total lunatic: I look back to the things I used to worry about and the things that kept me up at night and laugh. Life is short and many of you know that because of your illness. We truly need to start practicing the positive what ifs because the more we expect wonderful things to happen, the more our lives will begin to change for the better. You have a choice: worry or faith. I am no expert, I worry much more than I should but my heart and soul know everything I want and desire are coming to me just not at the exact time I want them to. I realize we are a society of immediate gratification and I also realize that is a horrible way to live. We cannot control most things but we can control our actions and thoughts. Instead of thinking: what if my pain gets so bad that I will not be able to do this or that we could be thinking what if I have the best time this coming weekend despite chronic pain? Instead of thinking, I’ll never have this or that why not think: “I am so excited for this or that!” Example: one of my worries is money and finances and not being able to make a living through writing which is such a huge dream and passion of mine. Three years ago I used to repeatedly think that there was no way I could ever help people with chronic pain through writing and there is no way I can turn my passion of writing and helping people into a career. Now, I think: “I am so excited for my dream of writing to one day touch millions of people. I cannot wait until I can totally focus on writing and make it my career.” Even just writing those two sentences gives me chills because I now truly believe it, as crazy as that may sound to some. I know years from now my story will be helping others who have chronic pain and I will be a published writer. I am not worried about it one bit, I’m excited. Ironically, once my shift from worry to excitement manifested inside me, I began getting more readers/emails/and slowly my dream started coming true.
If you do nothing else try and stop your mind from worrying as much as it loves to do. The second you begin to worry about something happening or not happening change your focus and realize that A. worrying will never change the outcome and B. more than ninety percent of your worries never come to fruition. Let it go and allow your faith to be larger than your fear.
If you only had a year to live what would you do? I know for damn sure the things you are worrying about would vanish completely. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, all we have is today and if we want to be happy we need to change our thoughts and make the best of the cards we are dealt.
Editor’s Note Jessica Martin is a 34-year old stay at home with a three year old daughter and lives in New Jersey. She was severely injured in a bicycle accident 20 years ago when she was only 14 and has battled chronic pain since. She blogs on chronic pain and you can read more of her work at noonegetsflowersforchronicpain.com. She will continue to contribute to the National Pain Report.
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